i should post an update

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place."

* i feel like i needed to start out with that quote because lately i have NEEDED that quote. it's been a long couple a weeks. this being maybe the longest. i should start from the beginning.

** a couple of years ago we didnt think we could have children (some crazy doctor said so due to a surgery i had). before we had Rowen, 2 miscarriages. then 'boom' Rowen...out of nowhere! LOL. everything was going along GREAT!....week 26. contractions started. bedrest started. steriods started. anti-contration meds started. more bed rest. water breaks at 30 weeks. oh shit (yes those were my exact words). laid up in hospital for 5 days being pumped full of a medication that can help with keeping baby rowen in but also could kill me. talk about a life changer there. rowen came out september 7. she was 8.5 weeks early (thats 2.5 months)...tooooo early. she weighed 4 pounds 3 ounces. she couldnt eat on her own. she had trouble breathing (she thought it was voluntary). she was in the NICU for 7 weeks. i cried. A LOT. wouldnt you?
---she is beautiful, she is healthy, she is funny, she is a fighter.

** her sister, Maeve, is turning out to be a little bit the same. everything was going ok, normal. i started my progesterone shot in my 20th week, which helps stop preterm labor. and things were great (unless i ate guacamole) LOL. i even sailed past 26 weeks with no issues. then last week happened. i had some trouble breathing. it ended up being no big deal. but wednesday i started to bleed. uggg....and i got checked. they sent me home saying, 'oh it will clear up...nothing major'. NOT the case. contractions started. I called back fought with the doctor to be seen. HELLO....I have a legitimit concern. i had a 31 weeker. finally...finally...i go to the hospital. monitor on...contractions. hard ones. then pump me full of fluid. contractions still going on. so they try anti-contraction meds. nope they arent working either. so here come the steriods. and more meds. and bed rest. i go back thursday night, same routine. steroids. anti-contraction meds. its week 29.

******* i had a doc apointment today. small goals. lets make it to week 30. I am scared. this baby is smaller than rowen was. and i am scared. did i say that already.

please pray, if you are that type or think happy thoughts or chant....or whatever it is you do. i want a happy healthy baby to come out of me...in like 7 weeks. not next week!

i am scared. and on bed rest.