to myself: kind, loving, accepting, forgiving...
to my husband: unfailing, forgiving, accepting, kind, understanding, compassionate, passionate, teammate, sounding board, best friend...
to my daughter: kind, loving, accepting, unfailing, forgiving, friend, mama, open....
I had to make this list because lately I am have been having some trouble remembering who i am and what i am doing here. but after making this list i saw how little i saw in myself. Grrr....
***have i lost myself trying to be a wife and mother? what about the social worker that i am? or the friend?
_______________________
on a less depressing note. i love my Greg! Tonight we went out for our anniversary (its really the 23rd) but we are super busy on that day so anywho out we go. we talked. its been awhile since we talked. really talked. not about the house. not about Rowen, not about the in-laws, not about my parents. we just talked. i fell for this guy because he had a strange obsession with Star Wars. i too had a strange obsession with Star Wars. he makes me laugh...all the time. I cant stay mad at him. I have tried. I am a bit of a dreamer and he keeps my feet on the ground.
-----he's where i find myself...he's my 'Colorado'.
* its late. Rowen and Greg have fallen asleep in the dinning room ( where we are sleeping until the carpet guy finishes) and I am in the loft typing away. I m jealous of my own free time. *
Night.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
*** Sometimes, I want to find a closet, walk into it, close the door behind me and SCREAM!***
*let me explain.
It all started many many years ago when i pray for patience ( I was in 10th grade), and God has been testing me ever since. You THINK i would have learned by now, but apparently I am messing something up.
So last night as I am in deep conversation with God, I said to him, " Go ahead, continue to test me but at least give me a time frame for all of this and maybe some deep down inner strength."
Because lately, the stuff he has been throwing my way I almost want to throw it right back at him. But here's to FAITH that things will get better. (cheers) And here's to GROWTH and CHANGE in myself.
*and now i am going to quote 'Velvet Elvis' because its been that kind of day.
----Faith is mysterious to the core. It is about things and being that untimately cannot be put into words. Language fails. And if we do definitively put GOD into words, we have at that very moment made God something God is not.----
House almost done! YAH! This is one thing that I thought would have me stressed and yet it doesnt! I am just so excited about being able to live there.
****Baby sleeping. I might make myself lunch and pack a couple mre boxes.
*let me explain.
It all started many many years ago when i pray for patience ( I was in 10th grade), and God has been testing me ever since. You THINK i would have learned by now, but apparently I am messing something up.
So last night as I am in deep conversation with God, I said to him, " Go ahead, continue to test me but at least give me a time frame for all of this and maybe some deep down inner strength."
Because lately, the stuff he has been throwing my way I almost want to throw it right back at him. But here's to FAITH that things will get better. (cheers) And here's to GROWTH and CHANGE in myself.
*and now i am going to quote 'Velvet Elvis' because its been that kind of day.
----Faith is mysterious to the core. It is about things and being that untimately cannot be put into words. Language fails. And if we do definitively put GOD into words, we have at that very moment made God something God is not.----
House almost done! YAH! This is one thing that I thought would have me stressed and yet it doesnt! I am just so excited about being able to live there.
****Baby sleeping. I might make myself lunch and pack a couple mre boxes.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Snow
The house...almost finished. 4 days and I get to curl up on the couch next to the fireplace!
SNOW!!!! SNOW!!! I love SNOW
we are renting in an apartment complex until the house is done. which will be like 4 days. but last week we had a little snow storm. rowen has never been in snow. as you can see from the picture not much snow feel at the complex but about 20 minutes later we went up to our house, which is outside of town at the foot of a mountain, there was much more snow!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Breathe...
So today I got a nephew! Never had one of those. My sister, at 37, had a baby boy this morning. Her last child, MaryBridget is 7. This baby boy, Philip David, was a bit of a surprise. But in our family, we LOVE surprises. It was a weird experience for me being home this time. When she had her other two I was there. This little tiny baby boy is sooo cute! he looks just like my brother-in-law Ed.
* In other news, we are soon to move into our house. Possibly even by Saturday. My heart jumps on the inside because i do hope that happens. I have been waiting desperately to decorate my tree and bake cookies and wrap presents in my new home. I do love it too. So much!
I cannot wait to curl up on the couch next to the fireplace and sip hot cocoa or soak in my tub. Once May hits and this other baby arrives, I may not have the luxury to do such things. I am truly excited about this baby but I am also scared out of my wits. What on earth am I going to do with two??? After what happened with Rowen I am second guessing everything i am doing, wondering if I should be doing it. Wondering if I should be concerned about things that are or arent happening yet. My mind is so wrapped up in it, sometimes I think its ALL i think about.
I am without my best friend tonight. He is out at the house working on tile...AGAIN! I will be glad when that tiling is done. I have missed him the past couple of months. When he was not teaching he was taking a class or tiling or painting or something. I feel like we havent talked in months. I am hoping he finds himself home for Christmas. He doesnt know it but he definitely keeps me grounded and sane among other things. Oh how I do love him dearly. Our anniversary is coming up next week. Time passes so quickly.
*gonna go finish watching Mary Poppins. It makes me giddy.
* In other news, we are soon to move into our house. Possibly even by Saturday. My heart jumps on the inside because i do hope that happens. I have been waiting desperately to decorate my tree and bake cookies and wrap presents in my new home. I do love it too. So much!
I cannot wait to curl up on the couch next to the fireplace and sip hot cocoa or soak in my tub. Once May hits and this other baby arrives, I may not have the luxury to do such things. I am truly excited about this baby but I am also scared out of my wits. What on earth am I going to do with two??? After what happened with Rowen I am second guessing everything i am doing, wondering if I should be doing it. Wondering if I should be concerned about things that are or arent happening yet. My mind is so wrapped up in it, sometimes I think its ALL i think about.
I am without my best friend tonight. He is out at the house working on tile...AGAIN! I will be glad when that tiling is done. I have missed him the past couple of months. When he was not teaching he was taking a class or tiling or painting or something. I feel like we havent talked in months. I am hoping he finds himself home for Christmas. He doesnt know it but he definitely keeps me grounded and sane among other things. Oh how I do love him dearly. Our anniversary is coming up next week. Time passes so quickly.
*gonna go finish watching Mary Poppins. It makes me giddy.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Inspiring....
i found this little piece of inspiration while I was stumbling though the internet....
"Just as I was about to tell my eight-year old the truth about Santa Clause, she said she was going to ask him to end the war in Iraq" ( Bill C.)
this pulled at my heart. i beleive in Santa, even today. i also believe in fairies and angels and leprechauns. or maybe i just believe in the magic of those things. the tooth faire is a real stretch for me though. because of all the scattered ages in my family ( extended and all) there has never, since I can remember, been a time when Santa wasn't stopping by during the night. so for 29 years Santa has been, he has existed every Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
why am i going on and on about Santa? Christmas is by far my FAVORITE time of year. anticipation, letter writing, gift giving, love, miracles, snow, Santa, elves....all those things remind me of every year around this time. i truly hope that traditions are kept for many years to come and that Santa never gets to be 'just a story' to humanity.
*****In other news: house is getting done at some point soon. I cant wait!
Baby is doing ok. Mama is slowly getting better. I am able to eat from 2 food groups now!
I guess I really did forget how hungry I was last time i was pregnant too.
in a couple of weeks we get to find out what we are having. not that I care. doctors tell me its a baby so I am good with that!
going to go feed the other one. its lunch for her.
"Just as I was about to tell my eight-year old the truth about Santa Clause, she said she was going to ask him to end the war in Iraq" ( Bill C.)
this pulled at my heart. i beleive in Santa, even today. i also believe in fairies and angels and leprechauns. or maybe i just believe in the magic of those things. the tooth faire is a real stretch for me though. because of all the scattered ages in my family ( extended and all) there has never, since I can remember, been a time when Santa wasn't stopping by during the night. so for 29 years Santa has been, he has existed every Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
why am i going on and on about Santa? Christmas is by far my FAVORITE time of year. anticipation, letter writing, gift giving, love, miracles, snow, Santa, elves....all those things remind me of every year around this time. i truly hope that traditions are kept for many years to come and that Santa never gets to be 'just a story' to humanity.
*****In other news: house is getting done at some point soon. I cant wait!
Baby is doing ok. Mama is slowly getting better. I am able to eat from 2 food groups now!
I guess I really did forget how hungry I was last time i was pregnant too.
in a couple of weeks we get to find out what we are having. not that I care. doctors tell me its a baby so I am good with that!
going to go feed the other one. its lunch for her.
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