let the rain come down.

Dear God,
Where are you? When you get a chance, please give me a call.

Thanks,
Brownwyn


* i feel like i am falling a part a bit by bit. but i am suer it will get better, right? sometimes i don't feel like a realist at all. sometimes i feel like i don't know anything. rowen is crawling all over the place and falling. just today though, she started pointing at things. i'm tired. very tired. but i guess sometimes that just doesn't matter. there is still some tension around this little place. i'm not sure when it will subside but i'll wait it out.*

* i am in a funny place. a place where i don't know how to fit. i'd always thought i would have kids. i knew i would. i guess i never thought much past that. i didn't see myself staying home and i am not sure why i never saw that but i saw myself helping people. it's an odd thing, ya know, spending your early years 'finding your way' and then to have found it... only to have to reevalute once again....looking for a new way to be...YOU.

*I am changing. I am becoming the person I want to be. fun times ahead.

Everwood

It's an 'Everwood' fest at the Herb Household. Greg is addicted...finally. Season 2 started tonight, right after little Rowe, Rowe went to bed. Some of my favorite quotes from Everwood....

'The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw, my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.' -Ephram

...'We were like Mike and Scottie....only shorter and whiter.'- Bright

Thats all I have for tonight. Its been a long couple of days. Greg a little down so I have been picking up some of the pieces. We did a little birthday shopping for Rowen this afternoon and I am excited for her to open some of her presents. More to come later.....

"Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it." --Buddha

...Here we are again.

also...read 'Velvet Elvis' by Rob Bell....

My husband says its 'not for him'...he'll come around some day.

It's been an interesting time here. Many things are being challenged, including my faith. I have always thought of myself as a strong individual but to make it through the next couple of months will be proof enough. pray.

* I hear crying. she must be awake.*

Mini Updates....

So much has happened and so much time has passes since the last entry. I thought I would be better at this and I was sure that as Rowen got older I would be able to better manage my time. HA. Who tells us these lies. When Rowen slept 5 hours a day...I had time. Time to finish the dishes, time to do tha laundry, time to vaccume, time to talk to my husband and time to think. Now that she is up and moving around at about 100mph...I can't even think if I have gone to the bathroom some days.

In fact just the other day, I was finishing up the bottles and I heard a noise from the bathroom. She often scoots to the bathroom to see her bathtub friends. I walked in to check on her and there she was...playing in the toilet! YUK! So she got what she wanted....in the bathtub she went. Boy do we have our days cut out for us! Exciting times ahead.

Greg has started back to school. He has In-Service this week and the kids are back on Monday. I love back to school. I love the smell, everything is new. I love fall. My favorite time of year for sure. The anticipation of the first day of school.

The house is coming along great. It looks amazing. I can't believe that we are able to build. We are so blessed!