Velvet Elvis

'I'm learning that very few people actually live from their heart. Very few people live connected with their soul. And those few who do the difficult work, who stare their junk in the face, who get counsel, who let people into their soul that no one ever goes in, they make a difference. They are so different; they're coming from such a different place that their voices inevitably get heard above the others. They are pursuing wholeness and shalom, and it's contagious. They inspire me to keep going.'

This was taken from this book I read this weekend. For my "Assessing Individuals" class, I was supposed to pick up a self-help book. It was something our professor thought would be good for us. He said that there were many crappy self-help books out there, so we should find one and get it, read it, and tell the class what you think. GREAT! Not only do I have to find an other book to read, but I also have to get up in front of the class and tell them about it. Luckily, since Friday I have lost my fear of speaking in front of people. Who knows why? However, anyways, back to the book I bought this weekend. It's called "VELVET ELVIS" and was written by Rob Bell. At the time, I didn't know really, what it was, I just picked it up and it said something about repainting the Christian Faith. I thought, Oh well it might be interesting. You know there are certain times in your when everything and I mean everything is perfectly in the right placeand it's only a moment. Well, that night at the bookstore was my moment where it seemed like i was there for a reason, looking at the wrong section for a reason! I found this amazing book. This person talks about God, the bible, the soul, healing our souls, being made new, worship, moving forward, what is good, who we are. It was amazing. I read it in like 4 hours. Therefore, the book that I had to get for Assessing Individuals.assessed me. I am in a great field. One that I am happy to be in. I am learning more about myself than I ever thought possible.

Thoughts

After we die, do we ponder our lives as if they were dreams from which we have just awakened? Or do we forget them as quickly as we once forgot our dreams? What happens if we don't show up for an important dream? Is that like not showing up for an important class? And when we die, what then? Do we stop dreaming? Or do we make guest appearances in other dreams? Does God blame me for laughing when I should have been crying; for wanting to kiss a boy and live forever; for hoping I could find happiness by some well-traveled route? Apparently, we know that I will never stop questioning some of the oddest things. But these are the questions that haunt me, that keep me awake at night. No, I don't know how to stop them. Sometimes I even thinks its healthy. I am not worried about any of these things, I just question them like I question why I feel, or sing or even run.
I leave you with this last poem:
A cloudy, dreary day, sick with a cold, yet I want to mark the say, the year, to settle old accounts and begin something anew. It is what I am always up to, and I see how foolish it is, and how necessary. I can no more draw a line between yesterday and today than I can continue without one. The weight of the days is too great. The spirit needs to release. And so, a new year, a new longing no, rather the oldest to be different, to be better. I yearn for the end of attachment, and, with barely a pause, I am already dreaming of a more beautiful body, a more elegant mind, a self better able to receive, and give love. I ignore the only wisdom of my years: that I need only accept myself. And I forget that time is but one eternal moment in which we are created, in the timeless mind of God.

Raw

From the very first moment of my life that I can remember I have always wanted to be different. It wasnt enough for me to just be who I was, i needed to be different. I needed to shock people, to be bold, to run against the crowd. I needed to have bright hot pink hair, and pierce things, get tattoos. I needed to think liberal, dare to test and doubt God, find faith in something other than what had been drilled into my head. I needed to run away, and get lost in something. I needed to find happiness in material things. I needed to fall many times. I needed to make mistakes; cut people I love out of my life, and remove myself from all that I ever knew. I needed to blame my parents. I needed to cut myself, until I bled, in anger. I needed to starve myself of everything that is good. I needed to hate myself for a moment. I needed to be bitter and offer no forgiveness to myself or others. I needed to be angry for awhile. I needed to be different. I asked to be different. I didnt want to be like everyone else. I wanted something in my life to set me apart from everyone else. I needed to get into trouble. I needed to standout in the worst possible way, because where and what I come from, you are expected to get it right. I needed to hurt myself. I needed to feel pain. I needed to find myself, who ever that was, in my own time. Today, I find myself tired but a little better off. I am not perfect. I dont deserve some of the wonderful that have happened in my life. I need to be different. And I am. I am different because I have faith in someone and something that is bigger than me. Im working on forgiveness. Its a hard one. Most times its something you got to keep doing or asking for, day after day. Because we are human, we will make mistakes. The more real we are with that, the more realness we will get out of our life and what we are suppose to do with it. I want to be someone who has the courage to step out and speak out. I have put myself out there, I have decided to be me and show you that I havent had the perfect life that everyone assumes, that I made mistakes, but that I also changed. Im different. But there are some mistakes I know I will never allow myself to make.
Change comes around when people like you challenge people like me.